The Weirdest Hotel Ever

Dad has seen his share of hotels the past two years of traveling with professional bike racing teams. But the one where he stayed Sunday night takes the cake. It's called the "Custom Hotel" and it's near the Los Angeles airport.

Probably the best way to describe it is that it looks like something out of the movie, "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" (photo from movie at left).

Hanging over the desk was a red neon script sign that read "Notic somnus nobis Nox" (when was the last time you went into a hotel with a Latin greeting?). The walls were painted black. About the lobby were replicas of sheep covered in thick, shaggy wool, which, I think, were functional as stools. The front desk was starkly bare.

The desk clerk wore what I estimated to be a $3,000 suit and had an afro that was fashionably tall. He had that two day stubble that you see in high fashion magazines.

The elevators (pictured at right) are just plain weird. First, there are huge photos of people's faces in them. Then, when you get in and the door closes, you hear voices. (It reminded me of the whispering on "Lost.") One traveler on TripAdvisor.com wrote that they understood the mechanical voice to say something in French about the corruption of the world and the weariness of people who inhabit it.

The corridors are very dark (I was even a little spooked) and on my floor there was a very interestingly-lit area with vending machines.

Inside the room, the door to the bathroom was frosted glass and the bathroom light was on. It was red. There was another light you could turn on in the bathroom, which was green. Weird. The hang tag on the back of the door didn't say "make up room" and "do not disturb." Nope. Try "Good time" and "Bad time."

I can't speak to the comfort of the bed because my head never hit the pillow. Instead, I pulled an all-nighter in the lobby, working to finish my work. The security guy did wake me up once when I nodded off. He said, "Boss. You can't sleep here." I thanked him for waking me up and told him I'd be catching a flight out of LAX at 5:30 a.m.

Here are a few other comments from TripAdvisor.com:

"It's quite unique and quirky too which makes it quite fun."

"As soon as we drove up to the hotel we were confronted with the fact that you must valet your car for $22 a night! With the price that we paid for our small room they should have greeted us with roses!"

"I think I am to old and uncool to stay here. Everything was too modern for my taste. Dog comforter, rooster side table, sheep in the lobby. Just strange."

"The hotel is painted a flat black with very strange purple lighting in the parking lot. This does create a sense of being in the Twilight Zone."

(I'll save the story about the team's soigneur and I getting stopped by the police for speeding for another time.)